Relationship problems
by kmt22395
Summary: Forks is a very small town. In relation ship terms things can get very hectic...um please read. i was lasy and didnt do each chapter sepretly but i think there are 16....please read! very good! trust me! do not listin to 3OH!3 k good!


Chapter 1

Forks is a very small town. So in relationship terms you have very few people to date. This can make things very hectic and confusing at times.

**Emmett's Point Of View**

I can't believe my own brother would do this to me. He knows how much I like Alice, but that has no any effect on him. Jasper just has to go liking her too, doesn't he? Whatever, we all know she doesn't like him. She doesn't exactly like me either but still. She likes Edward Anthony Mason. I personally can't stand him. He's just to much of a gentleman. Oh, he doesn't even like her. I can't see why not but still. He likes Bella Swan. Life is very difficult.

"Jazz lets go. We are meeting everyone down at the lodge." He is very slow for a vampire.

"I'm coming but why the lodge, we don't eat? He is so stupid.

"Well, Mike, Bella, Jake, Renée, and Charlie do." We walked out of the house and into the garage. We both jumped into my jeep. I really love my jeep, almost as much as I love my Alice.

When we got there the vampires were already there. Stupid slow humans! Just then Edward growled at me. He doesn't like it when I insult Bella. _WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD QUIT MINDRAPING ME!!!!!_ Stupid mind riding vampire.

I walked in and sat next to Alice. She got up and walked over to Edward. Fine don't set next to me! Humph. Jasper started to laugh, I just growled at him. Then he walked over to her and sat down. She immediately got up and sat on the other side of Edward. He is so lucky and he doesn't even know it. I started to laugh so loud people in china could hear me. I got some really strange stares but I just shook it off. Then Edward got up and sat in the corner, leaving behind a very weird look on Alice's face. I'm going to go comfort her!

My brother had the same idea. Jasper got up the same time I did and sat on the other side of her. She doesn't seem too happy, but she stayed there, not saying anything to either of us. Oh well! All she did was stare at Edward. He is so flipping lucky!

After that round of musical chairs the humans and dog came in. "Emmett!" gah Edward quiet mindraping me! Bella sat next to Jasper. Edward got up and sat down next to Bella. Mike came in and sat next to Edward. Alice got up and started at Mike. Mike ran as fast as possible for a human out of the restaurant. Then Alice sat next to Edward. I got up and sat next to her. Then Rose came and sat next to me. Then that smell mutt got up and sat next to her.

Now, everyone was sort of happy, except jasper. HAHA he is on the end next to Bella but not Alice! Hahahahaha. This is going to be a very long night. The humans and mutt order their food. You know they should have a vampire restaurant were they serve like grizzlies and mountain lions. That would be AWESOME.

"Emmett, you are an idiot" GAH I HATE HIM! That stupid vampire. I wish he couldn't read minds. It would make things so much better. "Really a vampire restaurant" he said this at vampire speed of course because of the humans. Jasper started laughing. I got up. I walked over to him, and hit him in the face hard. Ha take that!

"So Alice, wh-" she cut me off! Me EMMETT MCARTY!!!!

"SHUT UT EMMETT! So Edward what have you been doing lately?" What does he have that I don't?

"uhstalkingbella…I mean nothing much, why?" haha Bella is like really freaked out. This is funny. And yet she doesn't likes him. This is one little messed up world!

"Just wondering, and umdoyouwanttogoonadatewithme?" haha this is NOT FUNNY! Alice you are mine!

"um not really but just to make Emmett mad YES!" What!!!! That backstabbing fool!

"Well you're the one insulting me!" _Quit mindraping me!_

UGH!

**Bella's Point Of View**

"uhstalkingbella…I mean nothing much, why?" uh FREAK!!! I wish he could read my mind because I would so cuss him out but my parents are kind of here…wait I can say it quietly…

"Just wondering, and umdoyouwanttogoonadatewithme?" haha no he only wants to go with me.

"Um not really but just to make Emmett mad YES!" WHAT…whatever I don't even like him!

"Well you're the one insulting me!" he is a stupid mindreading vampire

"BELLA DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO MY EDDIE POOH LIKE THAT!" ugh stupid future telling pixie! I really want to kill her…and then I would have jazzy all to myself! I will have to plan this out thoroughly involving a werewolf! "Bella why must you bring the mutt into it!"

"HEY!!!"

"SHUT UP JAKE!!!!!!!!" gah stupid mutt!

"UH YOUR EDDIE-POOH, im not any ones _eddie-pooh_, except for Bella!"

"UH NO YOU ARE NOT MY EDDIEPOOH AND YOU NEVER WILL BE" with that he darted out of the lodge. Stupid momma's boy!

**Edwards Point of View**

"UH NO YOU ARE NOT MY EDDIEPOOH AND YOU NEVER WILL BE" how could she do that to me! I love her! What happened to the good old days were she loved me back? I ran as fast as I could in front of humans and then sprinted at vampire speed. When I got home Esme was there to comfort me. I HATE MY LIFE!

Chapter 2

**Alice's point of view**

I want Bella gone. How could she do that to MY Eddie Pooh?!?! She can't. Well she did but she is going to get something much worse. A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH!!!!  
How could I do it though? She doesn't like me because of jasper, so she won't let me around her. Also Edward could read my mind and knows not to leave her alone.

He doesn't bother reading Jaspers mind because he knows all he thinks about is me. I could ask him to do it for me! Yes he'll do anything for me!

**Bella's Point of View**

Edward is beginning to freak me out. IO keeps waking up in the middle of the night and he's in my room. I've locked my window but it doesn't keep him out. Also when I'm driving I can always see his silver Volvo following me. It's really strange.

Jazzy has been acting weird lately too. I don't know why but he stays as far away from Edward as possible. Ever time he is near Edward, Edward looks annoyed. It's going to be hard for them tonight.

All the guys went hunting together which is great because Edward went with them. He can finally leave me alone. It's good to take a break from being stalked every once in a while (ha-ha Brittanie!) He really needs to get a life.

**Edwards Point of View**

Oh my sweet Bella! How I can't stand to be away from her. She doesn't realize how much this hunting trip hurts me. I can't stand to be away from her. But if I don't go I might…

EDWARD DON'T THINK LIKE THAT!

"Jasper, will you please quit singing that song? I know you are trying to hide something from me so you might as well tell me now." I didn't want to go hunting with him or Carlisle and Emmett. But, Carlisle said we needed to take a "all guy" hunting trip so we can "bond". I personally don't think we need to bond but whatever.

"NOPE!" ugh. He is so annoying. _I went to the store last Sunday and bought a pickle. I went again that Monday and bought another one. _That is the most annoying song ever made!

"you can keep singing just please chose a different song!"

"NOPE!" stubborn!

"Guys! Stop we are supposed to be bonding! Now quit fighting" we get on Carlisle's nerves easily.

"Fine" we said in unison. I'm just hoping this will end soon so I can go stalk, I mean visit my Bella.

**Jasper's Point of View**

I really hate him! Edward is stealing MY Alice away from me! That's why I can't wait until tomorrow. He's going to be miserable with out his precious Bella! Wait… If he doesn't have Bella then he either has Mike or Alice. Crap. I knew Alice had a reason for this! I can't see how I didn't realize this earlier though!

"Hey, Jazzy" Oh my sweet angle, that's how. "Your still going threw with our plan, right?" oh Alice. She batted her eye lashes and talked to me in her "voice" The voice that means she wants me, ME! Oh my gosh I love her. "Jazzy, Jazz, JASPER are you there? Hello?"

Even when she yells at me it's amazing. "Oh, what I'm sorry my love" I said as a snapped back into reality. I would do anything for her.

"Silly, I said, are you still going through with it? Oh, yeah. She said this will running her hands through my hair. How I loved her. I love everything about that angel.

"Yup" and with that she winked at me and left. Crap!!!! I'm like putty in her hands. Did I really just say I would kill Bella? Crap I did.

Chapter 3

**Edward's Point of View**

Jasper has been acting really weird lately. All his thought are singing this stupid song…'_In Twilight, this guy I know The palest skin you ever saw All the girls still want him though And now you know, I wanna be like Edward Cullen I wanna be Edward Cullen Wish I could be Edward Cullen Wish I could be Cul-len Wish that I could get all the girls, yo Didnt have to breathe, didnt have to eat food And of course I want to read everybodys thoughts I wanna sparkle in the light, and drive a Volvo And honestly I wanna play the Piano Although it would suck to never turn 18 Cause I know pedophiles will try to rape me I wanna say that Dracula is my homie Be a Vegetarian even though I eat meat Wanna say that Carlisle is my daddy Thats such an awesome name, theyll all be jealous of me Wish I could be in, Dr. Cullens Family and the Olympic Coven Then Edward can, be my brethren And he can tell me how to be more like him Jasper and Emmett are so cool also And Alice is like Katy Perry Hot N Cold Dont wanna be near Rosalie, though Cause I have a thing about being around a-holes id run and tell Edward to leave Bella, please Its obvious she would much rather be with me And if he says no, then Ill have to agree Cause honestly, he could beat the crap outta me Walkin, walkin, walkins dumb Wish I could do the Edward run Then I would be real quick too And I could get home in time for Scooby Doo If I was Edward, I would be 1,000,000 times hotter then he could ever be And James would be afraid of me would live happily If I could read peoples thoughts I wanna have Edwards life I wanna graduate a thousand times'_its actually not that bad…well parts of it. Now that I think about it that's an awesome song!

Ok back to Jasper being a freak! Hes avoiding me a lot. Then it looks like he's stalking MY Bella. Then when he's not stalking my angel he's spending a lot of time with Alice.

Alice is acting odd too. She's singing '_black dress, with the tights underneath, i've got the breath of the last cigarette on my teeth. and she's an actress, but she ain't got no meat. she's got money from parents in a trust fund back east. tounges, always pressed to your cheeks. while my tounge is on the inside of some other girl's teeth. tell your boyfriend, if he says he's got beef, that i'm a vegetarian, and i ain't flippin' scared of him. she wants to touch me wahoo. she wants to love me wahoo. she'll never leave me wahoo, wahoo hoo hoo. don't trust a ho. never trust a ho. won't trust a ho. cause the ho won't trust me. she wants to touch me wahoo. she wants to love me wahoo. she'll never leave me wahoo, wahoo hoo hoo. don't trust a ho. never trust a ho. won't trust a ho. cause the ho won't trust me. x's on the back of your hands, washed them in the bathroom to drink like the bands, and the set list, you stole off the stage, has red and purple lipstick all over the page. bruises cover your arms, shaking in the fingers with the bottle in your palm, and the best is, no one knows who you are. just another girl alone at the bar. she wants to touch me wahoo. she wants to love me wahoo. she'll never leave me wahoo, wahoo hoo hoo. don't trust a ho. never trust a ho. won't trust a ho. cause the ho won't trust me. she wants to touch me wahoo. she wants to love me wahoo. she'll never leave me wahoo, wahoo hoo hoo. don't trust a ho. never trust a ho. won't trust a ho. cause the ho won't trust me. shoosh girl, shut your lips, do the helen keller and talk with your hips. i said shoosh girl, shut your lips. do the helen keller and talk with your hips. i said shoosh girl, shut your lips. do the helen keller and talk with your hips. she wants to touch me wahoo. she wants to love me wahoo. she'll never leave me wahoo, wahoo hoo hoo. don't trust a ho. never trust a ho. won't trust a ho. cause the ho won't trust me. she wants to touch me wahoo. she wants to love me wahoo. she'll never leave me wahoo, wahoo hoo hoo._

_don't trust a ho. never trust a ho. won't trust a ho. cause the ho won't trust me.'_ It's a very chachy song!

Alice is hanging out a lot with Jasper which worries me. Were still going out to dinner tomorrow. Im thinking about not going. It might ruin my chances with Bella.

Now, im going to go a stalk Bella!

**Bella's Point of View**

Jasper won't leave me alone. I don't know what has gotten in to him but I like it! But, whenever Edward comes around he disappears. I have no idea why, but whatever. I have my Jazzy!

"hey, Bella!" I turned around to see Jasper crouched down in a hunting position on my bed room floor. As I stared into his BLACK eyes it all started to make sense to me. He wants to kill me. Dang, that will hurt our relationship.

Maybe we shouldn't have a relationship. Its obvious he really doesn't like me. Maybe I should give Edward another chance. "AHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as Jasper pounced on me. Then out of no where I saw a streak of bronze. Where'd Jasper go…?

I looked in the corner and saw Edward attacking Jasper. "FINE!" Jasper screamed as he left. Then I walked over to Edward. I took his hand in mine. Stood up on my tippy toes and kissed him very passionately on his lips, his wonderful lips. I pulled back for breath then whisperd to him "I love you." Then he kinda fainted…

**Edwards Point of View**

Shes kissing me? Shes kissing me! SHES KISSING ME!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Lord thank you so much! YES! "I love you" She loves me? SHE LOVES ME…then everything went black.

Chapter 4

**Alice's Point of View**

"Uhh, Alice. I kinda have some bad news." Stupid Jasper. I knew he was good for nothing. Well except for loving me and doing anything for me. Maybe he would be a good boyfriend. Ill have to think about that later.

"Well…" why doesn't he just say it?!?!?!

"Edward kinda stopped me from killing Bella…" he said this while looking at the floor. Aww, he was scared I'm going to hurt him. How sweet!

"Its O.K. sweetie. We'll get her next time. What happened after Edward saved her?" Ugh stupid stupid plan didn't work. How did I not see that!?!? My plans always work.

"You…You called me sweetie!" For some reason he thought that was an invitation to kiss me. He threw himself on me and I just sat there letting him have his moment. It was surprisingly pleasant.

**Jaspers point of view**

That was APSOLUTLY amazing. I kissed my sweet angel and she didn't fight me off. She seemed like she enjoyed it! I will not stop until she's mine!

**Alice's point of view**

After my kiss with jasper I went to Bella's house to see if Edwards there. I went up to the door. _Knock Knock Knock_. Charlie answered the door. "Hey Charlie! Where's Bella?"

"Hey Alice. It's been a while. Bella went to the hospital. Edward kinda passed out. I don't really know all the details." Vampires can pass out? Wow. News to me!

"Thanks Charlie. I guess I'm going to go see her. Bye." And with that I started towards the hospital.

When I got there, Edward was awake with Bella snuggled up to him. "What did you do to her? She never liked you! And how the crap did you pass out!?!?! Why did you have to go and ruin my plan? EDWARD ANTHONY MASON CULLEN you have A LOT of-" He cut me off!

"Alice shut up! Ok me and Bella are a couple now and your going to have to live with that…we'll your not really living but whatever you get the point."

"UH UH UH!" I gasped in astonishment. "What about our date tomorrow?" he well not cancel on me. NOBODY cancels on Alice Brandon.

"I think I just did!" stupid mind reading vampire! "I heard that!"

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 5

**Rosalie's Point of View**

That stupid mutt won't leave me alone! Ugh I want to strangle him. All I want to do is be with my Emmy-Bear but no, I have to smell like wet dog. And then stupid Alice is hogging my Emmett. Yes he is mine.

One day I well get him all to myself, and when that day comes (which will be VERY soon) he will realize what he's been missing all his life. I've heard from a lot of people that I'm good in bed and he will love that. See that is why he's wrong when he chose Alice. She doesn't care for stuff like that. She wants a personal relationship not really physical. Emmett likes physical. So do I. Were perfect for each other. Its like the head cheerleader and star quarterback. We belong together.

I needed time to think so I went hunting. When I got to my favorite spot I saw Emmett. YAY! "Hey Emmett!" He was feasting on a huge grizzly. It is his favorite. How lucky can I get. Me. Emmett. Alone.

"Hey Rose." He doesn't seem to happy about running into me. Well have to change that!

"So, Emmett I was wondering if you wanted to come back to my place after your done here. Alice will be there!" I put on a fake smile as I brought up Alice. She really wont be there, but I know that will win him over. Then when we get home…

He interrupted my thoughts "Sure. Alice is really gonna be there?" Haha what a naive little boy. I assured him with a nod of my head. He disposed of the carcass the started towards me. I slipped my hand in his. At first he tensed but then he just looked at me and smiled.

When we got there I pulled him up to my room. I pushed him on my bed turned around and locked the door. I went up to him and showed him what he's been missing.

…

I finished zipping up my pants then looked around the room. The head board was busted. The pillows were destroyed. And the room in general looked like some one set of Alice after she drunk 30 cups of coffee. It would take a lot to fix it back up.

"That was amazing! Wow Rose. I love you." He got up off the bed walked over to me and kissed me. Dang I love him. And wow he was great in bed. "I'm glad you're a good liar. If not I would still be chasing Alice." I laughed at that.

He was about to say something but I just silenced him with my lips. A little while later our clothes were off again. In the middle of the climax I heard a knock. "Stupid Mutt wont leave me alone!" I sighed heavily and started to put my clothes back on when Emmett stopped me.

"Here, let me take care of him." He walked out of my room and towards the door with nothing on. I love him! "Dude. Get over her. As you can tell"-he gestured to his naked body-"she's screwing around with someone else. **(I didn't no what to put! It could have been worse ok!!!! If you have something nicer I could put tell me) **Then he slammed the door on Jacobs face and ran up to me.

"My hero!" then we continued with our love fest.

**Jake's point of view**

I can't believe it. How could she like that man slut?!?! He would be willing to knock up anybody that size. She needs to be with me. We're perfect for each other. I will love her and treat her right, unlike that leech. He's just gonna use her like a tissue.

I was running back to La Push when I tripped. And now I am stuck in a huge hole. UGH! Get me out! **(Hehe told you he's gonna fall in a hole!)**

Chapter 6

**Jaspers Point of View**

_Dear Dairy,_

_Emmett finally gave up on Alice and now I am getting huge waves of lust. It feels like a flippin' tsunami. He and Rose have been at "it" all day. I can't wait until it is like that with me and Alice! _

_She still hasn't given up on Edward yet so I will have to try to win her over. I have the perfect plan…it involves a cape, Emmett, and Alice's credit cards!_

_Jasper! 3_

I finished going over the plan with Emmett. He can't wait. This is going to be awesome. If this doesn't win her over I have no idea what will. I pulled up my blue tights up to my waist. I found the blue shirt in the heap of clothes in my room and put it on. Then I tied the cape around my neck, slipped on the underwear and headed to Alice's house.

All of the sudden I heard Alice yell. I didn't care what she said because I knew this was my cue to save her. I got up to her room and opened her door. "JASPER!!! MAN YOU OWE ME BIG TIME FOR THIS ONE!" and now I see why. Alice was sitting on Emmett holding her credit cards in on hand and a camera in the other. After she snapped a picture of me in my very embarrassing _Superman_ outfit she got off of Emmett and walked to me.

"Sweetie, you know better then this don't you. I can see the future and anything that puts my credit cards in danger I will take care of." SHE CALLED ME SWEETIE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! I was jumping up in down on the inside so much that Emmett started to get hyper to. "Um I just ruined your plan, why are you so happy?" I was grinning like an idiot.

"You, you called me SWEETIE, again."

"Oh Goodness Jasper!?!?!?!" with that she left me to suffer the wrath of a very pissed Emmett.

"JASPER!!!!!!!!!" if it were possible I swear steam would be coming from his ears. "What the HELL were you thinking?!?!?!?! What would possible give you the idea you could trick that eevil future seeing pixie? You are going to be so screwed after I'm through with you…where's Rose?" In the middle of his rampage I sent him a wave of lust so he would leave me alone and go and have fun with Rose. Yeah it worked 'cause I'm a flippin' genius!

Well, not really because if I was a "flippin' genius" Alice would be mine now but she's not… nope, instead she still likes Edward and there is a picture of me in a superman custom floating around cyberspace. Dang. My life sucks! Well to quote my not so good friend Jacob "life sucks then you die".

Speaking of Jacob, how's he doing? I haven't heard of him in a while.

**Jacobs's point of view**

"So class, we will have a test over this tomorrow. Just to let you know no matter how much your going to study you will FAIL!" Ugh. I hate this stupid hole. There are already a few people here. The first is Mrs. Matchen. She is an EEVIL math teacher, and I don't understand anything she's teaching me. What the crap is the quadratic formula? Then when I ask her for help she just smirks at me then walks away. UGH

The second loser here is this kid name Joseph. He works at chickfla (which by the way I'm never going to again) and no mater what day it is he wears his uniform. He's really nerdy to. When Mrs. Matchen gave him his paper back and it was a 41 he cried. He sings non-stop and it is soooo flippin' annoying. He makes all these really inappropriate noises. Then when this dude named Graham pokes him he screams "PLEASE REFREAIN" ugh I will not survive down here. He almost worships this kid named Gray. His binder is full of pictures and quotes from him. He's very strange.

So that Graham dude. WOW! I want to strangle him. He keeps asking me to join his _Root Beer Union _and that he's going to give me an application soon. FREAK! And his feet. Wow they are just eww. Gross. I mean I'm a guy so like gross is good right, wrong this is a whole new level of gross. I almost puked when I saw them.

Another kid that is here is Joey. He is so inappropriate. And he's a sixth grader. But, one day he got on some freaky emo kids nerve so he punched him. I was like YES! He disserved it. He cusses way to much. And he thinks he is flipping amazing just because he came from Florida. Big woop.

Then there's Tyler. He is a eevil little boy. He killed a baby duck. That is just horrible. How could you kill something so cute and innocent? He is always chewing gum and smacking it. Its really annoying. He is a little turd bomber. He has really greasy hair and is just a plain freak. Someone did strangle him the other day which was awesome.

Adam is also down here. He is a twiguy. How fruity is that? He also is apparently in love with this Brittanie chick. I mean she's hott and all but he is like stalking her. I feel really bad for her. And he is so oblivious to the world. I was hinting to him something and he was like 'what the heck are you talking about'. IDIOT

Mrs. Edwards is another teacher down here. She is really old and annoying. She's always like 'I don't believe in 100's because you can always do better'. When you ask her a question she's always like 'I don't know, I'm learning this just like you.' What kind of teacher doesn't know the answer to her own worksheets? It's like hell down here.

The next day I walked into Mrs. Matchen's math class and she passed out the test. The problems were really hard. I am absolutely sure I failed. But whatever. After i finished the test I went to Mrs. Edward's room. Her class was easier but I hated it just the same.

After that I went to my little happy place. It's a room full of pictures of Rosalie. My angel! _Knock knock knock _Crap who is bothering me now!?!?!? I got up to open the door. EW of all people Joey. Crap. "Hey, Jake what's up…Oh who's this?" he did not just touch my Rosalie pictures! "Whoa is this your girlfriend. Dude she's hott. How many times has she been in your pants?"

"Joey GO!" I phased into my wolf form and he ran out in terror. That's when it hit me.

Chapter 7

**Jacobs's point of View**

I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner. I could just phase into my wolf form and climb out. I guess Rosalie was right when she said I'm a stupid mutt, or a bimbo, or…ugh stupid Joey has to interrupt my train of thought. _Knock knock knock. _I walked over to the door and when I opened it I expected to find Joey but instead it was Mrs. Matchen. "Hello, Jacob." Crap what does she want? "I am very disappointed in you." Ugh you don't know how many times I've heard that.

"What did I do this time?" I mean there are endless possibilities. Threatening to kill Joseph, kicking Tyler in the gut, shaving Graham's head when he was asleep, stealing Mrs. Edwards's glasses, burning Adam's collection of Brittanie things, Ste-

"It's what you didn't to Jacob. You didn't even answer a single problem on the test. We all know you're going to fail anyways but still, you need to put in an effort." Oh I forgot about that. Good thing she didn't know about me phasing in front of Joey.

"Sorry, I'll try next time." I looked down to fake being guilty.

"No, you won't. See there is no next time. You're going to fail at life and we can't have that." Crap what is she going to do? Whatever it is I'll just change into wolf form and leave. "We decide to ship you to Canada along with all the other losers who fail at life." Ehh that's not that bad. I'll just run home. Cool.

"Are you serious? Man that sucks" I put on my act. She gestured for me to fallow her so that was my queue to leave. I phased then ran off in the other direction. I climbed up the dirt walls of the hole and was back to the La Push reservation. YES IM FREE!

**Jaspers point of view**

Dear Dairy,

_My last plan didn't work so good. I should have taken in consideration that she can see the future. I thought it through this time. I have this wonderful plan that I know will work perfectly. She's not going to know what I'm doing though because Jacob's going to help me out. But, first I need to find him. Where the crap is he? Last time I saw him was when he left Alice's place and ran back to the reservation. I'll look for him there!_

_ Jasper! 3_

I didn't really have a use for him, so I don't know why I have to go look for him. I guess I won't. But I still have to keep him in my plan. I was going to make this HUGE breakfast for my Alice. With everything you could possible think of.

I started with the bacon. I would go to flip it but the stupid grease would splatter all over my arms and it burns. Then when I was making eggs I kinda um sorta cracked them to hard and yolk spattered all over the kitchen. Then I slipped in it and yeah now my butt hurts! I gave up on that and started to make pancakes.

**Emmett's Point of View**

I walked into our kitchen because I heard Jasper's girly screams then a thud. I couldn't possible miss my brother being retarded could I? Nope! After the incident yesterday I went to have the picture of him in the _Superman _costume blown up and I put it up in my room. It's flippin' hilarious! Who knows what it is this time? I found him covered in white flour. "Dude, you were already pale, why would you want to be any whiter?" This is really funny I wish I had my camera!

"I'm making breakfast for Alice thank you!" Haha see a good brother would tell him that Alice is a vampire and can not eat human food, but I'm not a good brother. Plus if I told him that I couldn't watch him fail miserably…and that's no fun! "Just go!" fine then! Humph.

**Jasper's Point of View**

Once Emmett left I went back to making breakfast. I ended up burning the Pancakes, under cooking the hash browns, I had no icing for the cinnamon rolls, the bacon was as hard as a rock, the oven decided to stop working so the biscuits are still frozen, and then the eggs are kinda black. I wonder how well this will go over. It's the thought that counts right?

I called Alice on the phone and told her I had a surprise for her and she needed to come over. Three minutes later she was here. I walked her into the kitchen and pulled off the table cloth covering the food. "bon appétit, my love!" I was so excited! I know this will win her over!

"Um, sweetie, thanks and all but I kinda don't eat, remember." I didn't hear any thing after SWEETIE! That's three times….its like a new recorded or something! I am so happy. "Um do you remember?" she brought me down from my cloud nine.

"What was that darling?" please don't be mad that I didn't listen!

"I said I don't eat. But good effort though." With that she patted my head and walked away swaying her hips back and forth in a hypnotizing way. "QUIT STARING" fine. I hung my head down in defeat. This is going to be hard to win her over.

Chapter 8

**Jaspers point of view**

_Dear diary,_

_I can't believe I let the fact that Alice doesn't eat human food slipped my mind. GRRR this is harder then I thought. How did Edward do it so easily? I don't think he even wanted her to like him. I KNOW THE PERFECT WAY TO GET HER TO LOVE ME! Ignore her! Why didn't I think of this sooner. It works with cats, why not Alice?_

_Jasper! 3_

I walked into Alice and Rosalie's house so I could put my plan in action! I'll ignore Alice all day if I have to. "Hey Sweetie! What's up?" SWEEEEEEETIE! Omg omg omg omg omg. I swear if I had to breathe I would be hyperventilating. My angel called me sweetie for the 4th time. WOW. Crap now I have to ignore her….stupid plan! Humph.

"Whatever!" that's when I broke. I just couldn't ignore the love of my life.

"IM SORRY ALICE! I AM SOOOOO SORRY. DEAR I WAS IGNORING YOU BECAUSE WHEN YOU IGNORE A CAT THEY WILL COME UP TO YOU….IM SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" I screamed as I ran out the house dry sobbing.

Chapter 9

**Alice's point of view**

Jasper is a freak! How dare he compares me to a flippin' cat. I am so stinking mad. How would ignoring someone make them love you? I am in no way like a cat! Am I? I was about to reason with myself with weather or not I'm like a cat when someone knocked on my door. It better not be that freak named Jasper. I hope its EDWARD!

"Hello my dear Alice. I have written many poems for you and I have selected a few to read to you today." Crap. Goodness Jasper, just give up now! He cleared his throat and pulled out a crinkled piece of paper. And he began with the cheesy love poems. "The first one took me FIVE whole hours to write" goodness he must really love me.

"_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue _

_You are pretty and_

_I love you"_

…5 hours to write. Wow he really sucks at writing then. He started on his second poem.

"_I'm lost in your eyes, _

_I need a map to your heart_

_Your perkiness drives me crazy _(in a good way)

_But I still can't stand for us to be apart"_

After he finished that very bad poem he started the next.

"_You called me Sweetie _

_And made my day_

_And that's why_

_I love you, Hunay_

….see what I did there with the honey and day clever right" so desperate. It's very sad.

"Sure." I shut the door on his face and turned around.

Five hours later

I was about to leave to go shopping with Rose and Bella when I heard someone say my name. I went to open the door and saw who it was. "Jasper, how long have you been there" he was laying on the porch floor dry sobbing.

"Just since you shut the door on my face after I poured my feelings out to you." Poor guy.

"Sw-Jazzy, um you do realize its been five hours. Honey you need to get home." I tried to avoid calling him sweetie.

"You didn't call me sweetie this time. Don't worry though. I'll keep trying." With that he got up and walked away with a huge grin on his face. I kept getting a whole bunch of visions of him failing at trying to win me over. Poor little Jasper.

Chapter 10

**Jasper's point of view**

_Dear Diary,_

_The last few times I tried to impress my Sweet I kinda failed, miserably but I know this time I will win her over! Since the day I met her I knew I loved her. So I have collected things from her that will always remind me of her. I even have a sacred spot in my closet for Alice stuff. Right next to my spoons!_

_I have decided I will make her something. Not food this time though. That kinda didn't work so I well make her something she can wear. She does love clothes! What I will make her and the material I use will have to be a secret. I'm going to go work on it right now!_

_Jasper! 3_

I got out my sewing machine and "secret material" that I needed. I started to create the thing that I'm sure will win over my love. After I was done I hugged it tightly in my arms and smelled the sweet sent of my Alice. She has to love it. I rapped it up in pink rapping paper covered in shoes. I went down stairs the garage and jumped onto my motorcycle and rode to her house. It took all of my courage to, but after 3 hours I finally managed to knock on her door.

"What do you want?" Rosalie answered the door wearing a purple robe. I do not want to know what's under there or in other words what's not. "Alice is in her room. Leave me alone please." I knew why she wanted me to leave her alone. Emmett was here. I could feel the lust exploding off her. I walked up to Alice's room. She was blaring music. My favorite song. _"I'm not your boyfriend, baby, I ain't your cute little sex toy,  
I'm not your lion or your tiger, Won't be your nasty little boy, I'm not your boyfriend, baby, I can't grant your every wish, I'm not your knight in shining armor, So, I just leave you with this kiss You can catch me on the speedtrain, Beeper in a three-way, Shinin' with the gleam chain, And your honey givin' me brain, You can catch me watchin' AI, Later when It's game time, Pinkie with the same shine, Big poetic canine You know I rep' this crap, I gots it tatted on my skin, If you ….. with my city, Then you ….. with my kin, You know I rep' this crap, i got my hands up on your chest,….. best believe it, That you're ….. with the best. i'm not your boyfriend, baby, I ain't your cute little sex toy, I'm not your lion or your tiger, Nah, nah, won't be your nasty little boy, Whoo, I'm not your boyfriend, baby, Yeah, I can't grant your every wish, Yeah, I'm not your knight in shining armor, So, I just leave you with this kiss Kill the lights, These children learn from __cigarette burns__, __fast cars__, fast women, and cheap drinks It feels right, All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright Kill the lights, These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks It feels right, All these asphyxiated, self-medicated-- You can catch me on the speedtrain, Beeper in a three-way, Shinin' with the gleam chain, And your honey givin' me brain, You can catch me watchin' AI, Now It's game time, Pinkie with the same shine, Big poetic canine You know I rep' this crap, I gots it tatted on my skin, And if you ….with my city, Then you ..… with my kin, You know I rep' this crap, I got my hands up on your chest,……. best believe it, That you…. with the best Kill the lights, These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks It feels right, All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the whi--Kill the lights, These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks It feels right, All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright Kill the lights, These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks It feels right, All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright Kill the lights, These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drink It feels right, All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright" _

I knock on her door. I knew she heard it. If not she saw it. "Come in." I walked in her room holding my precious gift tightly. She walked over to her stereo and turned it off. "What do you want this time Jazz?" she called me Jazz. That's a NICKNAME! Maybe she does love me!

"I…uh…um….here." I threw her present at her. "I made it myself." I watched her face fade from happy to furious.

"YOU MADE ME A SWEATER FROM HAIR?!?!?!?!?! WHAT KIND OF FREAK MAKES SOMEONE THEY LIKE A SWEATER OF HAIR? HONESTLY JASPER THINK! SWEETIE WOULD YOU WANT THIS?" I didn't say anything so I guess she wanted an answer.

"DUH!!!!!! It's your hair. Of course I would want it. Oh by the way that was the 5th time!" I held up my hand to show her five on my fingers.

"5th time? What are you talking about jasper?" I guess she hasn't been counting.

"You called me Sweetie 5 times!"

"Jasper just go." She started to push me out of her house. Crap I forgot to tell he how to wash it.

"OH! ALICE I ALMOST FORGOT. WHEN YOU WASH IT, IT HAS TO BE HAND WASHED USING SHAMPOO!" I screamed from her front porch. This is the second time she slammed the door on my face in two days. That's a bad sign.

Chapter 11

**Jasper's point of view**

_Dear Diary,_

_I was so lucky this time! I found the absolutely most perfectest way to make her love me. If this doesn't work I don't know what will. I have found this song that is totally Alice. I decided tonight, at midnight I am going to sing it in front of her balcony. I know this is going to be it._

_Jasper! 3_

I dressed up in my Elvis costume and grabbed my microphone. I arrived at her house and pulled my huge amplifier out and plugged it in. I spent all afternoon trying to memorize these lyrics.

I decided it was do or die so I just went for it. "_Diamonds come and diamonds go, There's one thing I'm sure I know, She will last forever, Her past is sketchy, but that's alright, Just try to ruin her delight, Its a difficult endeavor, She doesn't walk, she's always prancing, Only when she isn't dancing, You don't even know the things she can see It'd be clearer if you made up your mind Any chance she gets she'll throw a party As ostentatious as you'll ever find Share your woes she'll make them lighter The future's bright, but she is brighter She's not trapped in Wonderland Its not hard to understand They're more than premonitions I'm not waiting for news reports Forecasts are a last resort What a wonderful condition She doesn't walk, she's always prancing Only when she isn't dancing You don't even know the things she can see It'd be clearer if you made up your mind Any chance she gets she'll throw a party As ostentatious as you'll ever find Share your woes she'll make them lighter The future's bright, but she is brighter She's not trapped in Wonderland Its not hard to understand They're more than premonitions I'm not waiting for news reports Forecasts are a last resort What a wonderful condition she doesn't walk, she's always prancing only when she isn't dan-_" I would have finished singing but instead I was interrupted.

"DUDE, YOU SUCK!" opps. Wrong house. Some weird dude that looked like Jackson Rathbone. Whatever. I packed up my stuff and headed for Alice's house. This time I got to the first verse of the chorus before she silenced me. This time it was with a raw chicken wing.

"Jasper, I don't really know how to break this to you, so I'm just going to come straight out and tell you. Like ripping of a band aid. First, you can't sing, you sound like Billy Joel. In my opinion he sings very badly. Second, I like Edward. Just plain and simple. Lastly, I don't like you so you need to just give up. O.k. Thanks sweetie!" I almost passed out! She called me SWEETIE again. That's 6 whole times. You need 2 hands for that one!

"DON'T WORRY ALICE! I'M NEVER GIVING UP ON YOU!" I just had to reassure her!

Chapter 12

**Jasper's point of view**

_Dear Diary,_

_None of my plans worked yet. I was sure they would. I have decided to just go over there and straight talk to here. I'm just going to tell her how I feel and if she's still there when I'm done I'm going to ask her out on a date._

_Jasper! 3_

I decided to walk to her house so I would have time to think exactly what to say. This is a big step but I need to take it for our relationship. Well if we're gonna have one. I'm going to fallow the advice of one of my many heroes: Nike, Just do it.

I climbed up the steps to the all too familiar door… (I got really up close and personal with it) and knocked three times. Alice reluctantly opened the door. "Ugh, Jasper what are you doing here."

"We need to talk." She gestured for me to fallow her into the house so I did. I sat down on one of the living room couches. "Alice, I love you. I can see us being great together. Better than Bonnie and Clyde, or Jon and Kate, maybe even Henry the Eight and all his wives. I can just feel it. We belong together. Alice, I know you can see it too. I have no idea why you like Edward. I mean, he's just hott with a sexy twitchy eye. He has nothing else to offer, especially since he's engaged. Oh by the way Bella and Edward are getting married! I have everything and more. I will love you like a pig loves bacon. I will care for you like a mother hamster and her young. I will be there for you like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was for all those people."

I was on a role until she interrupted me. "Um, Sweetie I get what you're trying to say but Bonnie and Clyde died, Jon and Kate are getting a divorce and Henry the 8th killed most of his wives. Then pigs are bacon so I doubt they love it. I mother hamster usually eats her babies and the bridge kind of collapsed." Crap. Dang did I just make a full of myself.

"YOU CALLED ME SWEETIE. Ok back to the point. You get what I'm trying to say don't you?" please say yes.

"I guess but I don't fell the same. I don't love you. I might soon but for now I don't. I'm sorry Jazz I just don't" I ran all the way home to weep.

Chapter 13

**Jasper's point of view**

_Dear Diary,_

_"I don't love you. I might soon but for now I don't. I'm sorry Jazz I just don't" That means there's still hope. I am not giving up on Alice. I have the most full proof plan on how to get her to love me, maybe even marry me. Well I gotta go make it work._

_Jasper! 3_

I've practiced what I was going to say for eleven hours in front of my mirror. I had everything planed out perfectly. There is no way this isn't going to work. I got on my motorcycle and road to her familiar house. I knocked on the door and she greeted me and welcomed me to come in and have a seat.

"Alice, I have something big to tell you. You might want to sit down for this."

"Jasper, Sweetie, Honey, I am already sitting. Please just get on with it. And please, I know I called you sweetie for the 8th time, don't make any comments." SWEETIE, SWEETIE, SWEETIE, SWEETIE! YES!

"Oh, sorry I kinda was to busy staring into your wonderful eyes. Anyways, um, I have some bad news and some good news. What do you want to hear first?"

"Bad." Good chose my angel. She's just awesome like that.

"O.k. Here it goes. I'M PREGENET AND YOU'RE THE MOM! Oh and the good news is now we can get MARRIED!" it was great news to me!

"Um, sweetie-

"OH MY ALICE THAT'S TWICE IN ONE CONVERSATION!"

"Like I was saying," she glared at me for interrupting so I hung my head down in shame. "I hate to burst your bubble once again, but first, guys can't get pregnant. Second, neither can vampires. Third, we haven't slept together so even if you're pregnant I couldn't be the, um, mom. Fourth, us getting married is only good news to you." Ouch. That hurt. That hurt right here –gestures to the heart- I'll be okay though. Suck it up Jasper. Be a man.

"Fair enough Alice, but I am NOT giving up. One day you will love me as much as I love you." She will you know.

**Alice's Point of View**

"Fair enough Alice, but I am NOT giving up. One day you will love me as much as I love you."

Crap.

Chapter 14

**Alice's Point of View**

_Knock, knock, knock. _"Why won't you just give up Jasper?" I reluctantly opened the door. "Hello?" Some strange dude was standing there with a clipboard and 57 arrangements of all kind of flowers.

"Um, are you Alice." I nodded my head to assure him that I am indeed Alice. "Good, I'm gonna need you to sign for this." He gestured to all the flowers. He handed me the clip board and I signed my famous Alice Brandon signature. "Thank you." And then he left me standing there with fifty flippin' seven things of flowers. What the crap man!

I brought all of them in the house and put them in the living room. If these are from jasper I swear I wil- _ring, ring, ring. _Stupid gay phone interrupt my train of though!

"Hello?"

"HEY ALICE DID YOU GET THE FLOWERS!" crap

"Jasper I'm right here you don't have to scream."

"Sorry."

"Yeah whatever. Sweetie, why did you send me all those flowers?"

"OMG that's the first time you called me Sweetie on the phone. AWESOME!" oh my gosh what am I going to do with him. "um I sent them to you because each one represents something. I'll come over there and explain. See you in a minute!" he hung up on me.

He didn't bother knocking this time and just barged in. "Hey Alice ok ready here we go.

the first time you called me sweetie

the second time you called me sweetie

the third time you called me sweetie

the forth time you called me sweetie

the fifth time you called me sweetie

the sixth time you called me sweetie

the seventh time you called me sweetie

the eight time you called me sweetie

the ninth time you called me sweetie (just now!)

cause I love you

how many pages I write about you in my dairy daily

cause I love you

I'm so unlucky to not have you

the number of lines in the sonnet I wrote for you

the number of songs that I feel fit you perfect

the number of strands of hair you lose daily

the number of letters in your full name

the number of times you told me to give up yet I'm still hear

you were nineteen when you were changed

the year you were changed

the number of times you slammed the door in my face

the number of times I've thought that you actually loved me

the number of hours a day I think about you

the number of times I stalked you at the mall last month

the number of times I stalked you when you were hunting last month

I couldn't think of anything for 26. sorry

the number of times I said I love you yesterday (which wasn't enough)

the number of poems I wrote for you

cause I love you

cause I want you to love me

cause I need you

cause I adore you

Cause I love you

the number of hours it took for me to think of all these reasons

cause I love you

cause I want to spend the rest of my life with you

cause I love you

cause my life would suck with out you

cause I love you

cause I want to kiss you

cause I want to hug you

cause I love you

cause I want to hold you

cause I love you

cause I want to be there for you

cause I need to kiss you

cause I love you

cause I need to hug you

cause I need to hold you

cause I need to be there for you

cause I love you

the numbers of weeks I want to spend with you a year

the number of ways I already have planed to win you over

the number of weeks it will take to complete all my plans to win you over

cause I love you

billion times you'll have to tell me you don't love me to give up

how many times I love you more than I should

"Jasper, sweetie just go." I not so gently showed him the door. He hung his head down low and whispered something along the lines of "that's the tenth time". Poor thing.

_Goes emo_

_Alice goes to movie Jasper stalks her_

_Jasper uses his power on her_

_Caries bags_

Chapter 15

**Alice's Point of View**

"Alice, I have some bad news." Edward Cullen was talking to me. YAY! Um. Wait bad news no! How come I didn't see this coming? OH well. "See, um, some how, you're my uh, cousin." He was scratching the back of his head nervously. "I don't really know how but you are. I'm sorry. But this would definitely end anything we could ever have."

Psh. Who is he kidding? That won't stop me. It's not like we would have kids. So there is no harm. No retards coming out of me. "Edward, I won't let something small interfere with us. What we have. What we should have. What we-"

"Alice we have nothing, we should have nothing, well never have anything. Alice we don't belong together. You belong with jasper. He loves you Alice. He'll care about you more than I could ever even imagine caring about you. Alice just give up."

"No, Edward Cullen I will never give up. I know we belong together." I said. If I was human tears would be almost streaming down my eyes as I gritted my teeth and ran away.

A little while later……

I was shopping down at the mall when I heard jasper call my name. "ALICE! Hey, what's up? You look sad? What happened? Who hurt you? Tell me so I can go beat the crap out of them!"

"Edward's my cousin. But don't worry. I don't care. I w-"

"EDWARDS YOUR FLIPPING COUSIN AND YOU STILL 'LOVE' HIM! ALICE, WHATS WRONG WITH ME! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" he was starting to make a since. Everyone was staring and I was about to punch him in the face.

"Nothing. You're completely perfect."

Chapter 16

**Jasper's Point of View**

"_Nothing. You're completely perfect." _I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Alice Brandon said I am perfect for her! This made my day. I am going to have to document this! But then she ran away. Tears were coming out of her eyes. I thought vampires couldn't cry but I guess I was wrong. Oh well. I need to go cheer her up.

**Alice's point of View**

I said what I meant and I meant what I said. Jasper is perfect for me. He is willing to do anything for me. He loves me. He cares for me. He wants to see me happy. He _**almost **_worships me. I belong with him and he belongs with me. I need to go find him. _Knock, knock, knock._ I guess he's coming to me.

"Hey Jasper. Don't say anything." I planted a kiss on his beautiful lips and knew we would be perfect for each other.

**Jasper's point of view**

SHE LOVES ME!


End file.
